12 December 1994

I had a nightmare again last night. The man took me away from Julia and sent me back to live with auntie to make room for the other children here. I didn’t want to go but he made me. He dragged me to the car and Julia welcomed the new children into the house and didn’t even look at me even though I was screaming. When we got to auntie’s house I wouldn’t get out of the car and I bit the man’s hand when he tried to make me and screamed at him. Auntie stood outside the front door grinning at me. My cousins were stood at her side and Joe cracked his knuckles like he always did. I tried to lock the doors but the man kept unlocking them until auntie yanked the car door open. She said, ‘Come in, Sally, there’s buttered scones for tea’ in Julia’s voice. She pulled me out of the car and the man drove off. Auntie lit up a cigarette and blew the smoke in my face. Then she pulled me inside the house and threw me at the door of the red room. I begged her not to put me in there but she said I deserved it for what I had done. She said I was a devil child and needed punishing but it wasn’t me. I never told anyone anything it was Mr. Higgins the supply teacher but she wouldn’t listen. She opened the door, I was so scared, and the red light flooded out. Then I woke up with Julia sitting on my bed. She looked really worried and said I’d been screaming at the top of my lungs. She gave me a really big hug until I went back to sleep. I heard her on the phone to the man earlier and she said that she didn’t think I was ready to have any other children here yet. He seemed to agree with her so it’s just me here for now. Julia wrote down a phone number for someone called Amanda and told the man that she would talk to me about it. She hasn’t said anything yet and I don’t want her to know that I was listening so I won’t say anything.

Samantha E Wills